About Family

About family...

I have a daddy, mummy and a bro. 

But after my bro married to her.. and her gave birth to my nephew.. thing changed.

Me and her did quarrel due to unable to see thing in eye.. But the misunderstanding so call cleared on my nephew's birthday and her acted like she forgive but she didn't.. she just acted that she forgive instead she keep picking thing on me. she don't allow me to touch my nephew.. she set a rule that says i have to ask for permission if i would wan to touch my nephew just because she is the mother.. She posted on facebook scolding me as a Xiao Ren and not knowing my position in the family.. she wrote on facebook as if she is the saddest person in the whole world.. She complain to my bro for over-doting me and saying that my parents too over dote me as well.. 

Everyday i have to see her face as if i owe her alot of thing.. she would slam the fridge door, slam the bedroom door, talk and laugh super loud like a bitch..  

My parents because of my nephew choose to abandon me.. She is the one that breakup my family.. I cannot wait to run away from this once a lovely home..

So i hereby declare that i am an Orphan..  

The world

Today is Sunday. Normally I would stay at my bf house but today I miss my little dore so I decided to come home. Its good to be home. He always smile sweetly at me.  Fear that his mum will saw it so I dare not smile sweetly back as she will jealous and will not let me go near him. Even the toy I buy for him, his mother don't let him play and only let him play the one she buy. I am not gg to snatch dore from her. Isnt it good to have more people to dote your baby. I just don't understand and I bet she always go and complain to her dearest sister.

I am such a failure. Even my brother don't trust me. Everyone is on her side.

Maybe I should not even be born in this world.

This world is too cruel to me.

why

Why no one understand how I feel?

All I want is to play with dore. But I was stop by either my parent or his mother. Bro always says I no right to interfere. Am I part of the family? Or I am adopted? How come I feel so neglected. I love dore. I bet he feel the same cos he always love my company. But no one seems to see our love.

Even my dearest small fish.. I just want strait times newspapers from her. But she question me and ask me lots of questions. This is call family? Is this call trust? How come everything I learn seems so different.

Even my bro choose to believe his wife. We are sibling for 20 plus years. Yet he trust his wife more than me. And he never give me a chance to explain until I force him to listen to me. Even though he realised that it is not my fault and apologise. There is a scar in me. I cried so badly in the toilet, in the bathroom, in the bed at night and in my dreams. My eyes hurt badly.. My heart bleed badly..

All I can conclude is their love for me is no longer the same. Even though they claim its the same. I am not stupid nor dumb.

Love

爱你没差

没有圆周的钟 失去旋转意义
下雨这天 好安静
远行没有目的 距离不是问题
不爱了 是你的谜底

我占据 格林威治 守候着你
在时间 标准起点 回忆过去
你却在 永夜了的 极地旅行
等爱在 失温后 渐渐死去

喔 “对不起” 这句话 打乱了时区
喔 你要我 在最爱的时候 睡去
我越想越清醒

喔 爱你没差 那一点时差 喔～
你离开这一拳给的 太重
我的心找不到 换日线 它在哪
我只能不停的飞
直到我将你挽回

爱你不怕 那一点时差 喔～
就让我静静一个人 出发
你的心总有个 经纬度 会留下
我会回到你世界
跨越爱的时差

Everytime I listen to this song I will feel upset. This song means love you, no matter what. I truly believe that once in the life, you will meet someone who will completely love you, no matter what. And yes, i did found my Mr Right, Dear Sw. I will tell him things that I've never shared with another soul and he will absorb everything i say and actually want to hear more. I share hopes for the future, dreams that will never come true, goals that will never achieved and the many disappointments life has thrown at me. When something wonderful happens, i can't wait to tell him about it, knowing he will share in his excitement. He will never hurt my feeling or make me feel like i am not good enough, but rather he will build me up and show me the things about myself that make me special and even beautiful. There is never any pressure, jealousy or competition but only a quiet calmness when he are around. I can be myself and not worry about what others will think of me because i know he love me for who i am. Colors seems brighter and more brilliant. Laughter seems part of daily life where before it was infrequent or didn't exist at all. A phone call or two during the day helps to get me through a long day's work and always brings a smile to my face. In his presence, there's no need for continuous conversation, but i am quite content in just having him nearby. I will think of him on every occasion and in everything i do. Life seems completely different, exciting and worthwhile. My only hope and security is in knowing that he is a part of my life. Without him, i will not know how my life will be. The one that left behind is the one that will have to bear all the pain for losing their love. Do cherish your love and do not leave any regret. 

I Love You, Dear.

Alina